Feeling comfortable

I’ve been a chameleon all my life changing my spots according to the environment I find myself in. I know when I need to be the funny one, the happy one, the supportive one, the one that takes the lead and the one that lets others lead. I have changed my stripes so many times that sometimes I even don’t know who the real Kaylynn is.

I have listened to the world tell me who I should be, I have listened to others and their opinions of me but when I sit with myself I can feel what direction my heart lies.

What do I want?

-I want to be in the presence of beautiful things.

-I want to be touched enough to bring me to tears.

-I want my heart to race so much that I need to gasp for air.

-I want to be a part of making this world a better place.

-I want to be involved with my community and volunteer my time and efforts for things that make a difference.

-I want to love my Heavenly Father without judgment.

-I want to laugh.

-And most of all, I need to feel.

-I need to live in a world where truths are shared, where hearts are touched and deep changes are made to the soul.

I am done altering who I am for the sake of making others feel more comfortable.

The insanity stops now.

I don’t mean that to be harsh or seem that I am set in my ways without compromise. It just means that I finally know the person I was meant to be. It’s only taken almost 48 years to find her.

I laugh, I love and I live an honest life doing what makes me happy, saying what I know, sharing my truths. If I get hurt, I will act hurt instead of pushing it down and moving on. I will sit with the hurt and find a way for it to be fixed…if I can. If I hurt another, I will make amends. I will be the friend that has the courage to say what’s real. I hope I can say it with a whole lot of love and a big handful of friendship. I only want to surround myself with authenticity.

Why do we walk around thinking things about others and then avoiding them instead of sharing our insights to help that person become a better friend? Or worse engaging in conversations with others about those negative thoughts? Avoid gossip, it’s not good. Why not tell them how you feel? PERSON UP!

I am done sacrificing my muchness. I want my light to shine. My light is only ignited by how I feel on the inside. My outside is the megaphone for what’s happing inside. I want to live a life free of chains. Free of ‘have to’s’ and only full of ‘want to’s’. I am shedding the guilt and shame that have ruled my life. Most of it has not even been my guilt or shame, things others have placed on me. I am cutting out the cancers of my life. Toxins that have never brought me happiness. Why hold onto those things? Because of guilt? Pride?

GET RID OF IT. ALL OF IT.

Lighten your load.

PUT IT DOWN.

Learn to forgive.

Forgiveness is never for the other person. It’s for you, a tool from God to help us move past the anger, hurt or resentment that is holding you back.

STOP HOLDING YOURSELF BACK!

The only one who knows what you’re holding onto is you and if you don’t know what it is, then may I suggest you do some soul searching of your own.

Feature photo above by Dawid Zawiła on Unsplash