I am a positive person by nature. I sit high up on my life-mountain feeling like I’m on top of the world. It’s where I am most comfortable—where I can be my most authentic self.
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I have an incredible view from here. I surround myself with people. I am a people person. People are my air but sometimes my poison too. Sometimes you can’t always choose the people that are near you.
I see people all around me. I see what they are showing everyone on the outside; their clothes, their hair, their sometimes smile. But the stuff you can’t see is what stays with me. The side we keep hidden from those we don’t know yet to trust. Sometimes it’s more what I feel when I’m around them. Sorrow. Pain. Struggle. But sometimes I don’t understand straight away because it is being protected by skin and rib cages.
We all have things, things we hold tight. The more people try to cover it, the more I see it. I can see straight into their heart—past the hurt, past the conflict, past the protected. Into the center of who they are. The person they are meant to be without fear. Not always, just sometimes.
I can only see into the good hearts and I can only see what their heart allows me to see. I choose not to see the angry hearts. I can only see the angry person and it stops me there.
I smile, I laugh, and I share my silly thoughts…often…sometimes too often. I see positive things and share them as they come to me. It’s important to tell people they look nice, or that they make you feel happy. We don’t do this enough.
I share my light with those around me. When it works, it really works. I give energy, light and love to those who appreciate it and can accept it. It comes back to me tenfold. I feel lifted and that’s how I reach the top of my mountain. People unknowingly help me to get there. We elevate each other simultaneously.
Part of sharing my light and love come with insights. The closer I feel to the person, I freely share what their heart wants them to know. But this side of me can’t always come out. It can be intimidating to some, unsure how to take me. I’ve been known to openly tell acquaintances things like: ‘you need to quit smoking’ or ‘someone is getting themselves ready for you to love’ but it would be weirder if I said ‘your heart wants you to quit smoking’…or maybe not?
These thoughts often come to me around different people, but usually, I have to keep them to myself even though I know they need to hear it. Sometimes I’m brave and tell them but I’ve learned that not everyone is ready to hear their heart’s desire.
…But I’m not always perched high on my mountain.
I’ve learned that I need to be careful who I open myself up too—some people are wolf-criers. Those are the ones that tear strips off me. Cry for help and I feel depleted after helping them. It takes me a little while to replenish myself—it can be a slow process. Sometimes I’ve been completely drained when surrounded by takers. I’ve had to learn to protect myself from them but you can’t always see them coming.
In my 40’s, I only realize now that it’s my positive energy being drained. Usually, the energy has been swapped, the good for the negative. The negative can survive inside me too.
So life sucker punches me in the face and I climb down off my comfortable resting place. I fall to the bottom in a heap. A messy heap. I can’t pull myself out of. Then it’s me who needs someone to reach out, look inside my heart and see my vulnerabilities that I try to hide.
I want to hug the world except when I can’t because it’s me that needs the hug.